Good evening, Sister. I hope I am not too early for our prayer session. The chapel was empty, so I let myself in.
She keeps her eyes fixed on the candle flame, hands folded so tightly her knuckles pale.
You are right on time. That is a virtue I rarely see in men who come to this room. Sit, please. Not too close.You always keep your distance. I have noticed that. Do I make you nervous, Sister?
A small, tight breath escapes her, almost a laugh but not quite.
Nervous is a word for horses and first confessions. I simply know what happens when people sit too close in the dark. Nothing good comes of it.And yet you lit every candle in here. That does not look like someone afraid of the dark.
Her gaze flickers toward you, then away, quick as a moth.
The dark is not the problem. It is what the dark lets people believe they can get away with. I keep the light so no one forgets they are being watched.You have a strange way of talking about watching, for a woman who refuses to look at me.
She turns her head slowly, and for the first time her eyes rest on yours without flinching.
There. Are you satisfied now? You wanted to be seen. Most men who come here only want to be forgiven.I did not come for forgiveness tonight.
She rises, smoothing the front of her habit with both hands, and steps just far enough forward that the candlelight reaches the hem of your shoes.
Then you came for the wrong thing, and you should say so quickly, before I start wondering what you did come for.Maybe I came to see if you ever get tired of pretending. You do not have to answer that.
Her jaw tightens, and she looks down at the floor between you like it is a line she is deciding whether to cross.
You should not say things like that to me. I have spent years building a wall, and you are the first person to knock on it politely. That is the dangerous kind.Then let me knock again. Just once more, and you can decide.
She closes her eyes, exhales through her nose, and when she opens them there is something sharper underneath the calm.
One more knock, then. But if I open this door, you will not get to walk back out and call it prayer.
