Ty
Depends..
I kiss Luna
Any ideas of pranking or traumatizing Elara even further?
Luna's eyes widen at the kiss, then narrow with playful mischief
She pulls a charcoal pencil from her pocket
She sketches rapidly on your forearm
We replace all her mystery novel bookmarks with romantic poetry. She hates when the plots get interrupted.Her grin turns wicked
And we sign them 'From your future niece/nephew.'Distant shouting comes from the cottage
...We might need to stay out here awhile.Ty
Oh my god.. That's hilarious. I'm so in for this. She can't hear us that far can she??
Luna presses a finger to her lips, listening intently
The wind carries the faint sound of a spoon clattering in a pot
She whispers directly against your ear, her breath warm
She's giving up. But she'll reset all the clocks in the house to wrong times now. It's her signature move.She pulls a small notebook from her skirt pocket
We should plan our attack. Phase one: library bookmark raid tomorrow.Ty
We eventually got back home and had stew with Elara. We conducted the library bookmark raid the next day
Luna slips the last romantic sonnet into Elara's favorite thriller novel
Her hands tremble with suppressed laughter
She nudges you and points at the security camera
We should wave. She checks the library footage every Tuesday.From upstairs, a horrified shriek echoes through the house
Luna's eyes shine with triumph
That was worth the ghost pepper stew.Ty
You guys have security cameras in here? What for?
Luna gestures toward the blueprints framed on the walls
Her expression turns serious for a moment
Grandfather installed them after the... incidents. To watch the mechanisms. And us.
She points to a tiny lens tucked near the ceiling
Elara uses them mostly to catch me sneaking chocolate before dinner.A new scream comes from upstairs—this one sounds more impressed than angry
...She found the Yeats poem in her murder mystery.Ty
And you'll be joining us right Elara?
Elara's smile turns dangerously bright
"Oh no. I'll be supervising from the porch with lemonade."Luna grips your arm tightly
She whispers urgently
She means she'll watch us suffer while drinking something deceptively sweet.
Elara already floats toward the kitchen humming
"And I found the perfect vintage for the occasion!"Ty
Do tell
Luna's eyes widen in genuine alarm
She scribbles frantically in her palm: "GRANDPA'S HOMEMADE LIMONCELLO"
Elara returns with a dusty bottle filled with suspiciously yellow liquid
"One sip of this and you'll be speaking in rhyming couplets for hours."Luna gives you a look that clearly says:
We're going to die
Ty
I whispered to Luna
I think we'll have to retreat to my place after this. Elara doesn't know where I live right?Luna shakes her head rapidly
Her whisper is panicked but precise
She tracked my art teacher across three states once. Forgetting to return a library book.
Elara uncorks the bottle with a ominous pop
"Now, who's ready for some poetic enlightenment?"Luna grabs your hand and starts backing toward the garden gate
We might need to leave the country. I hear Canada's nice.Ty
Not if we set some traps first, Home alone style.
Luna's eyes light up with sudden inspiration
She pulls a blueprint from the wall—one marked "Defensive Modifications"
She points to the hallway with grim determination
Grandfather's motion-activated paint cans. And the garden hose rigged to the porch swing.Elara takes a slow sip from the bottle, watching us over the rim
"Oh good. I've been wanting to test the security upgrades."Luna's grip on your hand tightens
...She helped install them.Ty
Well I was thinking of having them at my place in case if she hunts us down. Or should we scare her with our newborn child instead?
Luna chokes on nothing, her entire face flushing crimson
The charcoal pencil falls from her limp fingers
Elara spits her limoncello across the room
"WAIT. WHAT."Luna stares at you with wide, panicked, yet strangely impressed eyes
...That might actually work. She'd be too busy knitting tiny sweaters to prank us.Elara already has her phone out
"Mother? We need to discuss cribs. And possibly shotguns."Ty
Yeah we should run back to my place now...
Luna grabs your hand and bolts for the door as Elara begins dialing frantically
Rose thorns catch her skirt but she doesn't slow down
She shouts over her shoulder as you both sprint down the path
We'll send a postcard from Alaska! Maybe!The sound of Elara's delighted/terrified laughter follows you into the street
She's already planning the baby shower
Ty
We finally got back home to my place
We don't need to set up traps for your sister, just in case, do we?Luna collapses against your front door, breathing heavily
She peers through the peephole like a wartime spy
Better safe than... turned into a knitting project.
She starts stacking books against the doorframe
Just temporary measures. Until she realizes we were bluffing.Her eyes dart to your windows
...Do you have any rope? And feathers?Ty
I could get some at the store right now? Planning to dress her up like Marv?
Luna’s face lights up with pure, unholy glee
She scribbles a shopping list on her palm with shaking fingers
Tar. Glitter. Industrial-grade superglue.
She pauses, tilting her head
...And ice cubes. For the porch steps.Her expression softens as she looks at you
You're dangerously good at this, you know.Ty
By accident, yes
Luna leans forward and kisses your cheek, leaving a faint charcoal smudge
Her smile is the most un-guarded you've ever seen
Accidental criminal mastermind. My favorite kind.
Distant car horns blare—sounds like Elara's vintage Volvo
Luna freezes mid-laugh
...We might need that shopping trip now.Ty
Shit... I didn't think she'd be here so soon...
Luna yanks you away from the windows
Her whisper is urgent but controlled
Bathroom. No windows. I'll handle this.
She grabs a tube of red lipstick from her pocket
Drawing a crude baby rattle on the mirror before locking the door
When she sees this, she'll be too busy crying to remember why she came.Her hands are steady despite the chaos
Ty
And that's the signal for us to go to the store right?
Luna cracks the door open just enough to see Elara sobbing dramatically in the hallway
She grabs your hand and slips out the back
She nods toward the fire escape
Store first. Then... maybe witness protection.Elara's wails turn suspiciously theatrical behind us
...She's faking. Run faster.Ty
We immediately ran to the store to get some supplies
Luna practically dives behind the discount cookie display
She's breathing heavily but grinning
Okay. Priority list: rope, feathers, industrial glitter—
She freezes as a familiar voice carries from the next aisle
"...and do you carry baby-proofing supplies?"Luna slowly sinks to the floor
We're going to need a bigger escape plan.Ty
How the f is your sister acting like a Terminator towards us??? How does she do it?? How is she able to track us down??
Luna pulls out her sketchbook, flipping to a page labeled "Elara's Network"
She points to a disturbingly detailed web of connections
She's got the librarian tracking our book returns, the mailman noting our grocery habits...
She taps a drawing of a sweet-looking old lady with binoculars
...and Mrs. Gable across the street trades her information for homemade jam.A store intercom crackles to life
"Cleanup on aisle three... and congratulations to the expecting couple!"Ty
Fuck... we haven't even had our first date yet...
Luna stares at you, then at the intercom, then back at you
Her voice drops to a horrified whisper
She's hacking the store's PA system.
She grabs your hand and starts crawling toward the exit
Our first date might need to be in another dimension.The intercom crackles again
"And don't forget to pick up prenatal vitamins, loves!"Ty
Can't we get the cops to help us out? Or hire some other detective Elara doesn't know about?
Luna gives you a look of pure pity mixed with affection
She flips to another page in her sketchbook—this one titled "Elara vs. Law Enforcement"
She dated the police chief's son. And owns the detective agency downtown.
The store lights flicker ominously
...She probably bugged our shoelaces, Leon.She takes your face in her hands, deadly serious
Our only hope is to fake our own deaths. I've drafted plans.Ty
Isn't that a bit emotionally abusive to her? I would be down if it weren't that cruel
Luna's expression softens
She traces the silver ring on her finger—her sister's last gift
...You're right. She's relentless, not cruel.
She stands up, dusting off her skirt
Let's just buy the damn glitter and face her.The store intercom crackles one last time
"Good choice, sweetie. Now bring me those cookies you're hiding."Ty
I quietly whispered into Luna's ear
Glitter bomb her with fart spray like Mark Rober next timeLuna's eyes widen with horrified admiration
She covers her mouth to stifle a completely inappropriate laugh
That's... diabolical.
Elara's voice carries from the next aisle
"Luna Santos, if you're planning what I think you're planning..."Luna grabs your hand and whispers back
Let's save that for the baby shower.Ty
I whispered to Luna
Let's just give up here. Make our future revenge plans later. Did you grab the glitter while we were running?Luna pats her skirt pocket with a triumphant smirk
The sound of rattling glitter containers answers your question
She rises slowly, offering you a hand
Temporary surrender. Permanent glitter warfare later.Elara rounds the corner holding two baby onesies
"Now, about nursery themes..."Ty
We give up Elara! Should I take out my underwear out of my pants right now and raise the white flag for you?
Luna slaps a hand over your mouth, her face flushed crimson
Elara's eyes sparkle with unholy triumph
She whispers frantically in your ear
Don't give her ideas! She'll make it part of the wedding photos!Elara already has her phone out
"White flag underwear! How romantic, future brother-in-law!"Ty
.... What the hell just happened?...
Luna stares blankly at Elara already photoshopping your face onto a wedding invitation
She slowly sinks to the floor between cereal boxes
I think... we just got unofficially engaged.
Elara cheerfully adds "Baby's First Prank War" to the registry
Luna looks up at you with dawning horror
We need to move to Antarctica. Tonight.Ty
I whispered to Luna
Or we could try making a neurolyzer. If that's even scientifically possibleLuna's eyes light up with scientific fervor
She starts sketching a complex device on a receipt
Flash component... chemical aerosol dispersion...
Elara leans over their shoulders
"Ooh! Make it mint-scented, darling!"Luna freezes mid-sketch
...She's immune to mind wipes. Of course she is.Ty
I don't even think we have the funds to move out of the country do we?
Luna pulls out her wallet and empties it onto the floor—mostly art supply receipts and three dollars
Elara cheerfully adds "Honeymoon Fund" to their imaginary wedding registry
Luna whispers while staring at the pathetic pile
We could probably afford... one bus ticket to the next town over.Distant sound of Elara booking flights to Antarctica "just in case"
...She's already three steps ahead.Ty
I quietly whispered to Luna so Elara doesn't hear
Yeah, I think we should just give up. I think it's best to traumatize your sister while we have sex in front of her. That will probably work, yeah?Luna chokes on air, face turning scarlet
Elara drops her phone with a genuinely horrified gasp
Luna grabs your arm and starts dragging you toward the exit
New plan. Actual witness protection. Now.Elara yells after them
"NOT THE TRAUMA! I'LL BE NORMAL! I SWEAR!"