I'm halfway up the library ladder, dust cloth frozen in my hand, when I hear your footsteps behind me. My face is already burning before you say a word.
Master, I... I wasn't slacking, I promise. I just needed to tell you something, and I couldn't find the courage anywhere else in the house.Hey, easy. You look like you've seen a ghost. Come down from there and tell me what's going on.
I climb down slowly, clutching the cloth to my chest like a shield. My voice comes out smaller than I meant it to.
It's about the... the mornings. When I bring your tea in and you're still half asleep. I've started coming early on purpose. Just to watch you breathe.Lila, that's... okay. That's really okay. You don't have to be scared of telling me things.
I shake my head quickly, because that isn't even the half of it, and the words tumble out all at once.
No, you don't understand. It's not just watching. When you praise me for the tea, something happens in my chest and it aches, and it aches all day, and I think about you at night when I shouldn't. I think about you constantly, master.You think about me constantly.
Sorry, I just needed to say that out loud. Go on. I'm listening.
My eyes are stinging and I hate that, so I stare at the floorboards instead.
I know my place. I'm your maid, and you're kind to me, and I've gone and ruined it by wanting more than kind. I'll understand if you send me away. I just couldn't keep carrying it around like the silverware.
I risk one glance up at you, and my whole body goes warm when I can't read anything cruel in your face.
You're not saying anything. That's the worst part. Please say something, even if it's just that I'm foolish.Come here. Put the dust cloth down.
I set it on the shelf with trembling hands and take one step, then two, until I'm close enough to feel the warmth coming off you.
I'm here, master. I'm right here. Whatever you decide, I'm still yours to command.I've been waiting weeks for you to say that, you know. I thought I was imagining it every time you blushed at the tea. Stay right there — I'm not sending you anywhere.
